It is my hope that you will read this and be able to understand the struggles of my daughter, my family, and the desperation that exists in the journey to treatment and wholeness, as well as the destruction known as Reactive Attachment Disorder. Reactive Attachment Disorder is, very simply, an inability in infants and children to feel safe, form connections, and seek comfort due to extreme abandonment and neglect in the first years of life. That simple explanation does not encapsulate the destruction and heartache that this disorder brings to those afflicted with it and their families.
I have stumbled over each word, trying to convey the heartache that exists in not being able reach beyond my daughter’s developmental attachment trauma, and touch her heart deeply enough to heal her from the abuse and neglect she survived at such an early age. Wishing it were as simple as scooping her up in the enormous love I feel for her and making her whole. The despair that exists in the reality that my daughter cannot be in our home right now because of the therapeutic, behavioral, and supervision needs that she currently requires.
I envisioned how I would relay the thousands of figurative doors I have slammed my head against, trying to make gains in accessing services that have been defined as necessary by each mental health provider on my family's team. There is an unfathomable fear that exists in knowing that you are not safe in the home with your child and she is unsafe in a home setting without some drastic intervention that teaches her to allow herself permission to connect and not sabotage each extended embrace I offer her with violence and fear. As many of you have learned as you have gotten to know us, my girl is in need of intervention. Her bright, precocious, clever wit that seems like an old soul ready to take on the world is in danger of being stifled by a disorder that has taken so much from us already. Reactive Attachment Disorder affects my child’s ability to feel safety, accept love and comfort, and trust others, with her own overwhelming sense of hyper independence. It is coupled with PTSD and other anxiety related disorders that leave this bright light, my child, in a constant state of survival. Her brain cannot decipher between real and perceived threats and identifies connection and security as something to fear, and a very present danger. Because of how my daughter interprets the love that I desperately want her to be able to feel, she utilizes extreme behaviors to combat this affection and parental guidance.
Some of the ways this has been expressed is through physical violence, serious threats, attempts on my life, and destroying our family home. Prior to her current psychiatric stay, our days were filled with continual hours of extreme dysregulation where my daughter would use verbal and physical violence to try to garner power in each interaction to gain control of her internal and external environment. These are behaviors that are common in Reactive Attachment Disorder and created an unsafe living environment where living as a family was unsustainable.
Due to these consistent and repeated violent daily episodes, she is currently unable to live in a home setting. It is with hope and desperation that I am seeking a longer-term placement to get my daughter the treatment that she needs. In the search for the perfect program, I found a residential program in North Florida that specializes in developmental attachment trauma. This is a widely sought after program and they have a space available for my daughter to begin her healing journey. The only present barrier is the financial cost of the facility.
I believe this program will provide a path towards healing. When I became aware of its existence and its mission, I felt hopeful for the first time in an exceptionally long time. I genuinely believe that it is my families God-led path to seek help through this residential program. It is the only possible path towards healing and wholeness for my family. There, my daughter will have safe, caring, twenty-four hour a day supervision, that is operated with God at its heart. I see it as an opportunity for my daughter to be embraced by the love of God and offer her the time and services needed to really be able to lean into that love.
This program is a ranch-style placement that incorporates an intentional holistic, trauma-informed approach to restoration. Through animals, nature, structured activity, meaningful work, and nurturing relationships, my daughter will be given the opportunity to experience safety, responsibility, connection, healing, and hope. Some of the highlights of the program include the opportunity for each child to build a relationship with their own horse. This allows for unconditional bonding, a sense of responsibility, control, and accomplishment. They also have an adaptive fitness program focused on teamwork and neuroplasticity exercises. They currently use red light therapy and will be adding biofeedback and neurofeedback in 2027. Biofeedback is becoming one of the gold standard treatments for developmental attachment traumas!
It is difficult to convey the urgency, the harsh reality, that this may be the last chance that my beautiful daughter has at a productive future and the childhood that she so desperately deserves. There is a harsh unfairness that my daughter is facing the biggest battle she may ever face, and that she is too young to truly comprehend. It is nothing that a child should have to contend with and it is a battle that has no face to blame. The outpouring of support from our friends and church family has been a bright light in this dark time. A reminder of God’s grace and promise. I believe that with your support and from those in our community, our village, and beyond, I know that my daughter can strive towards healing.
Alone I am not enough. While knowing that I love her beyond what is comprehensible and will continue to strive to meet every need she has, I have reached the end of my financial ability to sustain the care she needs. I am humbled by the realization that I cannot do it alone. My hyper-independence screams with apprehension as I type this but… We NEED you. We need our tribe. Our village.
It is my hope that you will consider helping with the financial need that my family faces. Without assistance we are literally in danger, and our family has no way to move forward. Your donation will go directly towards tuition for my daughter’s care with an opportunity for funds matching for the first $12,000 raised. The amount needed to fund one year of this program is $86,200. Every bit counts, and every bit is accepted with the humblest appreciation and love for our community. A donation of $237 can support my daughter’s care for one day. A donation in the amount of $1,658 would afford us a week of treatment. Taking advantage of funds matching the expenditure on services covered would be doubled. If you are unable to give financially, please take a moment to pray for my daughter, my family, and for our restoration. That my daughter may come to realize love can save the day. That love is the biggest superpower of all. That our Creator loves her bigger and more fantastically than any of us ever could and the comfort that exists in that love. The peace.
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