Loved Even Now

It’s been 2 months since our last update, and we have a lot of good things to share!

First, thank you so much for your prayers and support since the loss of Shiloh.  We really appreciate everyone’s encouragement during this hard time.  While we had hoped for a very different outcome, we have peace and rest in knowing that Shiloh is safe with Jesus and baby Gabe in Heaven – where both of our babies have the most amazing, abundant life.

Second, after Dan’s overseas school trip, we were able to talk in person and decided to pursue a second embryo adoption.  In mid April, we went back into the matching phase with Snowflakes.  

Since we had matched so quickly last time, we were disappointed that did not happen within 2 weeks.  Rachel decided to pray more specifically that we would be matced by Dan’s birthday (May 22).  We ended up celebrating Dan’s birthday early on May 5 at Red Robin, where we saw a rainbow after a storm – and then we got an email saying that we had been matched after just 3 weeks!  On the drive home, we kept seeing several rainbows – as if it was God’s special reminder about our “rainbow snowflake baby” (since babies born after a loss are called rainbow babies).

And since we have a habit of nicknaming our babies before they are born, and because we were matched on Cinco de Mayo, we are excited to share that “Baby Taco” is on the way!  Our embryology report was approved by our clinic after one week.  At the end of May, we notarized our contract, which was officially approved on June 6 – moving us into the shipping phase!  

Please pray that shipping goes smoothly and safely and that Rachel can begin a medicated cycle sometime in June.

We are deeply saddened to share this update about our recent embryo adoption.  After a long medicated cycle, we had our embryo transfer last week on Tuesday, March 28 at our clinic in Philadelphia, and we were able to watch this incredible process on the ultrasound.  The transfer, however, resulted in a negative pregnancy test via blood work on Thursday, April 6.  We are comforted in knowing that our baby Shiloh was given life, fulfilled all of God’s plans and purposes here on earth, and is now safely with Jesus and our first baby Gabe. We ask for God’s peace and comfort in the coming days, along with wisdom as we are unsure whether we should pursue a second embryo adoption.

Shiloh Marks – “God’s gift, peace, tranquility”~  Created October 7, 2013 – the same year as your brother Gabe; frozen at 5 days old~  Matched September 22, 2022 – while we were at the beach in Ocean City MD
~  Adopted November 7, 2022 – our contract was officially signed
~  Shipped December 15, 2022 via FedEx
~  Arrived January 12, 2023 safely to our clinic in Philadelphia – while we were at the PA Farm Show
~ Transferred March 28, 2023 successfully at our clinic – due date was in December, just like Gabe
~ Born in Heaven April 6, 2023 – Mommy was 3 weeks, 5 days pregnant

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you.” – Jeremiah 1:5

Shiloh 
– Meaning:  “God’s gift, peace, tranquility”
– A neutral Hebrew name for a boy or girl, since we don’t know the gender of our Shiloh.  But God does!
– The first place where the Tabernacle was set up in Israel – the place of worship and sacrifice, where God revealed Himself (to Hannah and Samuel), where God “tabernacled” among His people.  
– While we wait for the day when Jesus comes back, “until Shiloh comes” and His scepter will never depart, our Shiloh is with Him now.  What peace, joy, happiness to be with Jesus, big brother Gabe, cousin Hudson & Smiths, great aunts & uncles who were never known here, and so many friends!
– Sometime between Tuesday, March 28 and Thursday, April 6, Baby Shiloh simply and safely went Home.  Not a miscarriage or stillbirth, no procedures needed, just silently bypassing all the pain and heartache here to go Home, not unlike when someone passes away quietly in their sleep.  
– Created on October 7, 2013 – the same year as Gabe.  
– Frozen 5 days later on October 12, 2013 – Shiloh was “rainbow snowflake.” 
– Basically frozen for 10 years.  Waiting.  Then suddenly, given a chance for life, growth, safety, love, warmth, which was all Shiloh really knew of this side of Heaven, until he/she knew TRUE life, growth, safety, love, and warmth with Jesus.
– Worth it!  Every shot, pill, injection, needle of a long medicated cycle.  Every delay with embryology reports and approval, contract, and shipping.  Even for only 1 little baby.      
– Mission accomplished.  Though filled with disappointment and sadness at times that we didn’t get to know Shiloh here, our little baby still received the ultimate goal of every believing parent – for our child to be Home with Jesus forever.  And the goal of every embryo adoption is to give the opportunity for life.  Shiloh would still be frozen for an unknow time without the beauty of adoption and the choice we made to provide life.   
– Loved.  Most especially by family.  We had a lot of hopes and dreams for this one little one and our life together.  Nathan was amazed to count that we have FIVE kids in our family now 🙂    
– Missed.  Always by Mommy and Daddy.  Especially by 3 brothers whose hearts don’t quite understand what has happened.  One who desperately wanted his chance to be a big brother, who sometimes still thinks there’s a baby in my belly, who loved talking and singing to Baby, and prayed so often for “Baby to come home soon!”  Another brother who has been sensitive and sweet to Mommy and has a small understanding that “Our baby went to Heaven.”  Another brother who thinks everything bad is happening at once and yearns for peace in his heart.   

When I think of peace, I can’t help but picture the ocean, the calm, gentle, yet strong and powerful roll of the ocean.  And at times like this, it makes me also think of the beautiful hymn…part of which is on a shelf in our hallway where there’s a picture of Gabe, now to be joined with a picture of Shiloh.  Much of life is full of loss.  And heartache.  And disappointment.  Uncertainty.  Unfairness.  But oh the peace that can be found in the Savior who knows both the suffering and joy in our hearts.  Finally, for always, my Shiloh is safe with Him.  Someday I will see them both – when Shiloh comes and takes us Home to be with Him.        

“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul…
And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.”

Baby Marks made it safely to our clinic on January 12!  We are so thankful for FedEx and anyone else who was involved in this shipping phase!

Now comes the more challenging part – the medicated cycle.  This is something we knew very little about going into the embryo adoption process.  To make a long story short, our clinic has a set schedule to prepare Rachel’s body to be the most ideal for the embryo transfer.  This process involves taking 4 different medications (pills and injections) over 5 weeks, in addition to having baseling ultrasounds and blood work.  Even after the transfer date, there are still 2 follow up blood work appointments.

We had hoped to begin this process last month right after Baby Marks arrived at our clinic; however, Rachel’s levels were not at the precise place to begin this process.  Apparently it’s also normal for women to develop funcational cysts that, while common, can interfere with the process.  To prevent this from happening again and delaying transfer, Rachel began taking 1 medication for a longer period of time (2+ weeks of shots before the official 5 week medicated cycle).  

Our clinic is based in the Philly area since the local (Bethlehem) office closed last summer.  Thankfully Rachel is able to go to a local clinic in Allentown for the outside monitoring; when only lab work is needed, she can go down the street from our house. Until all is said and done, Rachel will have at least 5 outside monitoring appointments with ultrasounds & blood work in addition to 3 appointments for blood work only.  And throughout the medicated process, there are a LOT of shots involved; some medications even need to be taken at precise times multiple times a day.

The good news is that if all goes well, Lord willing, we have a transfer date scheduled for Tuesday, March 28! 

And there are a lot of things that we’d love for you to keep in your thoughts & prayers during this time!

* Medicated cycle: keeping track of all the medications (pills & injections) and schedules
* Schedules and Rachel’s levels to stay on track so we have the transfer on March 28
* Nurses, doctors, and staff involved in the monitoring, thawing, and transfer processes
* Safey: Baby Marks during the thawing, transfer, and pregnancy; Rachel during the medicated cycle, transfer procedure, and pregnancy; Dan as he travels to Europe for work. (He will actually be away when Rachel has her last follow-up blood work to confirm pregnancy in April.)
* Trust: While we don’t exactly understand every detail involved in this process (or why it takes so long), we are thankful that our clinic knows what they are doing.
* Peace: While we know God is faithful and sovereign over us and our baby, it is still very challenging to rest in Him throughout this adoption process.  We long for Him to honor our desire to give this baby abundant life, yet it’s hard at times to remain optimistic and not antipicate possible heartache.  Even the best clinics do not have 100% success rates for thawing and transfer, and pregnancy is not guaranteed.  After our miscarriage with Gabe and failed adoption with Malachi, it is difficult to grasp that another loss could be possible.  And Dan will be away over spring break at Easter when we receive the news about whether or not we are pregnant.   

Thank you for your continued support, encouragement, & prayers!
Rachel & Dan  

We have more exciting news to share!  Earlier in December, our contract with the donor family was officially approved.  This is the one and only step as far as legal fees are concerned with embryo adoption.  Other than our $5 at the notary, we have 0 attorney fees to cover.  After the donor family took care of everything on their side, we moved on to the shipping phase of our adoption. 

This means that we have a baby somewhere!  Our adopted embryo is ours.  Baby Marks is officially a part of our family.  Dan & Rachel are officially Daddy & Mommy again.  Josh, Jacob, and Nathan have a little brother or sister somewhere.  While we don’t know the exact location of where our embryo has been stored, he/she is in transit and due to arrivve at our clinic near Philly around Thursday, January 12, 2023!  

Once a date is set for our FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer), Rachel will begin a medicated cycle.  This process will include medications and several ultrasounds to prepare for this process.  Please continue to pray that our embryo will stay safe during travel, thawing, and transfer process, for Rachel’s medicated cycle to go well, and that the FET will result in a healthy pregnancy.  

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you.” – Jeremiah 1:15

“I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well.  My frame was not hidden from You, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.” – Psalm 139:14-16  

Praise the Lord, we have a lot of good news to share!
Here are the Cliff Notes:  We’re matched!  We received a grant!  We’re now in the next phase of our adoption!

For those of you who like reading all the great details, we have 3 big updates:
1.  We are matched!  We went on a family vacation to the beach this past September.  It was our boys’ first time at Ocean City MD.  On the drive there, Rachel joked with Dan that maybe it was a pre-adoption trip (like when we went to Disney in March 2018 to celebrate our upcoming adoption and found out just the week before that we were expecting Nathan).  That evening, we got an email from Snowflakes saying that we had been matched!  

2.  We received a grant!  Throughout our embryo adoption process, we have applied for several grants, including LifeSong for Orphans.  For those following our adoption journey over the years, you may remember the name of this organization since we received a matching grant from them years ago in 2015-2016 when we were in the process of domestic infant adoption.  (We were unable to utilize those funds since we had a failed adoption in 2017 and then later adopted from foster care; we were told the money we raised was distributed to their general account since we weren’t actively pursuing adoption.)  Soon after applying for a grant for our embryo adoption, we found out that our funds from years ago were still available!  And LifeSong decided to roll them over (along with additional funds) to a direct grant of $5,000! 

3.  We’re now in the next phase of our adoption!  As of this week, we are officially in the contract and shipping stage of our adoption!  It may have taken a little longer than we would have liked due to some issues beyond of our control.  (Communication between agency & clinic is challenging when there’s a time difference.  We didn’t know 2 out of our 3 embryos had a genetic test done years ago, resulting in 1 embryo that wasn’t approved by our clinic.  We also didn’t know our clinic does not accept “mix-matched” and only accepts embryos from 1 genetic family.  We had to decide to go ahead with the 1 approved embryo or go back into the matching phase.)  But we know God’s timing is perfect and that He is fully in charge of this whole process; our family rests in His sovereign hands. 

What happens next:
Contract:  We have a few forms to complete, one of which includes finding a notary.
Shipping:  Our baby will be come from wherever he/she is currently stored and be shipped to our clinic in PA via FedEx.
FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer):  Our clinic will thaw our embryo and schedule the transfer.  Meanwhile Rachel will have a medicated cycle.  (Thankfully the monitoring ultrasounds can be done locally, since our clinic is in the Ft Washington area.)  
MFM (Maternal Fetal Medicine):  Once we have a positive pregnancy test (either after our initial FET or being re-matched with additional embryos), Rachel will be referred to MFM, where she will be monitored closely, along with regular progesterone shots and ultrasounds.  This time, since we know a cervical cerclage will be necessary, we’ll have a planned procedure soon after the first trimmester.  Baby Marks will be induced at 39 weeks.  Our names will be on the birth certificate.  And we’ll have an incredible story to tell our baby someday! 

Thank you again for praying for us and supporting us throughout this amazing process!  We truly appreciate everyone’s love and prayers!
~ Dan & Rachel Marks

In case you wondered why we applied for grants:
Unfortunately our health insurance considers embryo adoption to be under IVF (invitro fertilation), which is not covered.  While Snowflakes has very reasonable fees for home studies, travel expenses, and matching process, finances for the medical side can quickly add up.  Our direct grant from LifeSong basically covered our remaining matching fees; along with the small amount we raised from our previous Adoption Bridge page, our grants will cover most of our $850 storage fee.  Our FET is $3,200 per transfer.  We don’t know how many transfers we will need before a successful pregnancy.  There will be several copays for the medicated cycle and follicle monitoring process.  And if we go back into the matching process and then have remaining embryos, we would need to pay for an additional year of storage.    

September 5th, 2022 
Thank you so much for praying for Rachel’s procedure on Wed Aug 17! Everything went well, and there were no problems with recovery, praise the Lord! We were also able to enjoy a much-needed time away at the beach the following weekend with friends from church at Ocean Grove NJ!

Last week was a very big week for our adoption: Our home study (Snowflakes Family Evaluation) was completed on August 29! We had a pre-matching phone call with Snowflakes on September 1 to discuss our preferences for a match. And after our payment is processed after the holiday weekend, we will officially be in the matching stage! Our profile will be shown to donor families so they can see our pictures and read our family story. Once we are chosen, we will receive a copy of their profile with pictures and information, including medical history for 3 generations.

And after our family and the genetic family agrees on the match, we’ll sign a legal contract, our embryos will be shipped by FedEx to our clinic, Rachel will undergo a medicated cycle, and then the embryos will be thawed and transferred one at a time, and Lord willing, we will have a baby!

August 13th, 2022 
Well, 4.5 hours later, we finished our home visit/interview today, Sat Aug 13! This means that we are now done with our home study!!!! The caseworker who met with us this afternoon just needs to wrap up the paperwork involved, and then we can move on to the matching stage! We’ve been waiting for this part of the process to be completed for a few weeks, especially after finishing our part of the training and paperwork a little while ago.

Unfortunately we’ve also experienced a few hiccups in the adoption process lately. Right before Rachel needed to schedule 3 different tests at our clinic, we found out that the Bethlehem location near our house was recently closed. This meant that Rachel needed to travel to the office in Langhorne for 3 tests (which was 1.5 hours each way).

At Rachel’s follow up telehealth appointment last week, the doctor said she needs to have a minor procedure (hysteroscopy) for uterine polyps. We tried really hard to schedule the procedure locally, but long story short, we’d have to wait quite some time for a pre-op consult and procedure. Rachel was able to schedule the procedure with the surgical office with Sincera (near Fort Washington) for this coming Wednesday, Aug 17 (much sooner than expected…and only 2 days before we go to the beach). Please pray for no complications, quick recovery, travel mercies, healing, and rest before a busy weekend away.

July 21st, 2022 
Today we officially received a $2,000 grant from Snowflake Doodle Grant! We are so excited to find out that it was more than the breeder originally anticipated!…Dan said maybe our next dog should be a Saint Berdoodle! 🙂
http://www.snowflakedoodles.com/ 

We also found out this week that our home visit will be on Saturday August 13! This is the last step to complete our Snowflakes Family Evaluation!

July 14th, 2022
Our weekend was full of TWO blessings for our adoption! On Friday, July 8, we finished all of the training and paperwork for our Snowflakes Family Evaluation! And it only took us about 2.5 weeks 🙂 We’ve now been assigned a SFE provider who will travel and visit our home, probably in early August. Then we will move to the matching phase!

We also found out this past Saturday that we were given a Snowflakes Doodle Grant, which is funded through the sale of 3 puppies!

July 8th, 2022
Great news! After just 2.5 weeks of working on all kinds of paperwork & training, we are finished our part of our Snowflakes Family Evaluation (SFE), their equivalent of a home study! Now we just need to have our home visit scheduled with our SFE provider before we can move into the matching phase!

Rachel has already been busy talking to our clinic and preparing to schedule a “pre-conception visit” with Maternal Fetal Medicine. She’ll need some blood work and initial testing (saline sonogram). After that, we just need to be matched with a genetic/donor family who chooses us – and wait. Our embryo will be shipped from the storage facility via FedEx to our local clinic, where he/she will be “thawed;” meanwhile, Rachel will begin a medicated cycle to prepare for the Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET).

For anyone wondering about the financial side of embryo adoption:
Snowflakes has a very reasonable fee schedule; the cost is much less than domestic or international adoption, which involve higher agency fees, birth parent expenses, legal/attorney fees, and travel expenses. Our health insurance, however, considers frozen embryo adoption to be a part of IVF, which is not covered in our plan. There are also storage fees involved, plus costs per transfer (since not every embryo survives the thawing and transfer stages).

Any funds donated here through Adoption Bridge will go directly to Snowflakes Embryo Adoption to help with our agency fees!

June 27th, 2022 
We began this process in May 2022, and God has clearly been opening doors for us to adopt again! We are well into our Snowflakes Family Evaluation (SFE) process (equivalent of a domestic infant home study), and we only have a little bit to finish before we will have a home visit. After that, we’ll move into the matching process, where a genetic family will choose us to give birth to our adopted baby! Our baby will be shipped by Fed Ex to our local clinic, where we will begin the Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET). If the thawing and transfer process go well, Lord willing, we will have a new little baby in 9 months!