The Landins’ Infant Adoption Journey

Here’s the rest of the story:

On January 29th, we received word that birth mama had been in the hospital and dilated to 5 centimeters. She was progressing slowly, so she was sent home, but the baby would likely come very soon. We decided to drive back to Nashville to get set up in an Airbnb. Eric worked remotely for a couple of days, and we did the best we could to wait patiently and prepare for the baby. On February 1st, our social worker flew into Nashville as it looked like the baby would be born. Eric and I had already gone out for a celebration drink the night before at a fun speakeasy downtown. But February 1st came and went, and we didn’t hear word of any baby. We were disappointed and confused, but we had a great time getting to know our caseworker, Donna, from our adoption agency. Unfortunately, birth mama was not up for meeting with us. Donna advised us to drive home, and so, once again, we returned to Aimee and Jeremiah with no little brother.

Several days later, on February 8th, we received word from Donna that the baby had been born and that this birth mom had chosen not to continue with the adoption plan. We were not entirely surprised, and yet we were still incredibly disappointed. We had made so many plans for the next few months that included a baby – this baby, and it was so hard to try and reimagine life. Aimee and Jeremiah were really disappointed too. 

I spent the greater part of this weekend packing away all the baby items we had packed into suitcases into a bin up in the attic. The hardest part was putting away the gifts we had bought for our son and his birth family. I packed up a few little Nashville memorabilia we had bought for our son into a little box that was supposed to be for him. I used that time to say goodbye to him, a son I will never meet and never know, but one who we have come to love deeply over this last month. We will always love him, and he will forever be part of our hearts. Eric is wearing a chain and pendant we had planned on giving his birth father and I am wearing a heart locket we intended for his birth mother. In time, we hope these gifts can be given to another family, but for now, it is a sweet reminder for us to keep close to our hearts.

We have each been dealing with this loss in our own ways, and we have been extremely blessed to have supportive family and friends and an incredibly loving community around us. Thanks to those of you who have reached out already! I don’t know yet what our next steps are besides to heal, but I do have faith that though the story with our family and this child has ended, this is not the end of our adoption story. 

Love,

Alanna

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

It turns out this little boy is just not ready to come out into this world yet. He is still very little – just 36 weeks today, so we are grateful for all the days he gets to grow and develop inside his birth mama’s womb. One theme of adoption, we have learned, is “hurry up and wait.” The last five days, we have been living on a roller coaster of emotions. Birth mom has been having a lot of contractions and significant preterm labor symptoms, so there were about three points on our trip to Nashville where we thought baby boy would be born soon. Hurry up, get ready, wait... 

During the wait, we explored the city, eating at some great restaurants and listening to live music everywhere (dreamy for two music nerds)! We prayed, read books, slept, played a game, exercised, texted furiously with our adoption agency, friends, and family. We went shopping for the baby. And on our last day, we had a blast at the National African American Museum of Music downtown. There were tears and laughter and every emotion in between. The time was not wasted, and it was quite a gift to have a little “babymoon” getaway.

Aimee and Jeremiah have been handling the whole thing like champs, and we have been so blessed to have my mom drive out to be with them. Our friends here in town took them for the first 24 hours while my mom drove out here, and they had a blast with their sleepover together.

Yesterday, we were advised to drive back home until we have more definitive news that birth mom is admitted to the hospital. 9 hours later, we arrived home late at night and enjoyed hugging our kiddos when they woke up this morning.

It was a very strange feeling to leave Nashville. I felt like I was leaving a part of me behind. Even though we didn’t get to meet baby boy or birth mom, it was reassuring just to be close by and to know we could be with them at a moment’s notice.

The doctors say baby will likely come any day now, so we have kept some bags packed and are even more prepared for what is to come. We can’t believe the time is so close already! To be continued…

Wow!! We received word this afternoon that birth mama is having a lot of contractions – it looks like this little boy might be coming early, even this weekend! After taking care of all the details and packing, Eric and I are on the road to Tennessee tonight! Please pray for everyone involved. We will update as we are able! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. 
Love,

Alanna

It’s been a whirlwind of a week, filled with tears, laughter, and more joy than we could ever imagine. On Wednesday, around 1pm, we had a phone call with a birth mom who had viewed our profile and was considering us to parent her child. This was the first time we had ever reached this point in the process and the excitement was palpable. We had a good conversation with this birth mother and felt confident that this could be a good fit for our family. Within a couple of hours, we received a beautiful letter from this birth mother saying, “I CHOOSE YOU!” It is official: we have been matched! 

Many of you know this has been a long process for us. Adoption is full of ups and downs, and in the last three years, we have experienced a lot more downs than ups. The Lord has made it clear to us that He is with us, and in this. We have had to hold onto that hope amidst a lot of heartache, fear, and anxiety. Most days, for me (Alanna), the hope has felt more like a small flicker near the end of a long tunnel. Every now and then, the hope would be as bright and beautiful as the candle burning right next to my computer as I type. My therapist reminded me at one point that hope comes in glimpses. Many of you have provided that glimpse for us throughout this journey. Thank you for being voices of encouragement and support amidst this season of waiting. Thank you for showing your support through the gift of money and through prayers and check-ins. You are all a part of this adoption story! While there may still be some unexpected expenses, we believe we have raised enough to cover the cost of this adoption. What a gift!

The waiting isn’t over, and in many ways, the journey is only beginning now! But we are here to remind you of the goodness and faithfulness of God. This story has the fingerprints of the Lord written all over it. We were faithful and diligent to complete all the paperwork and logistics that we needed to, but in the end, it was He who orchestrated this match as we sat back in faith. We will share more and more over time. 

At this point, we continue to ask for your prayers. Being matched does not equal certainty, and there is always a chance that this birth mother could decide to parent her child. We continue to take the next faithful step and trust that the Lord holds all of this in His hands. This precious baby boy is due in February, and we will be traveling to Tennessee to meet him whenever we get that call that his birth mother is in labor. Friends and grandparents are on call to be with Aimee and Jeremiah throughout this time. 

Day by day, step by step, breath by breath, we are continuing to trust.

God bless you all, and, from the bottom of our very full hearts, thank you again for your support and love!

Blessings,

Alanna and Eric