Hi, I am Katie! I am not a blogger and passed English class with a C, so please bear with me! I wanted to give you a little background to our story. Jesse and I have been married for over five years now. We have always wanted children and it was always in our plans to adopt one day. My plan was to have our first child by the age of 25, and be done having/adopting our three (Katie's number) to four (Jesse's number) babies by 30. I felt like that was a good plan, good spacing of the children's ages, and this plan meant all the kids would be out of the house by the time I was 50! (If you don't know me, I am obviously a planner!!!!)
In May 2016, Jesse and I decided it was time for me to get off of birth control so we could start trying by July of that year (I would be 25 that September). We just knew I would be pregnant with in three to six months max! Everyone on both sides of our families had two or more kids with out a problem, so we knew it would happen for us in no time!
Six months came and went. I slowly started questioning the Lords plan. I knew his plan wasn't aligning with my plan. I had MY plan all figured out & I did not understand why the Lord wasn't on board. After a year of infertility, I mentioned adoption to Jesse. Jesse did not feel like the Lord was pointing us in that direction quite yet. I always wanted to adopt and at this time, just wanted to start our family, so biological or adopted- did not matter to me. I started praying that the Lord speak through Jesse. Around this time my emotions of wanting to be a mom were getting in the way of doing the Lord's plan vs doing Katie's plan. I would pray for the Lord's will and say "I promise I will be happy" with His plans, regardless of what they may be, but still have my hands all in it. I would get so confused/upset when I would see all of these women on Facebook getting pregnant (who I felt weren't ready, or were not even trying to get pregnant); and didn't understand why God felt like they were fit to be moms but I wasn't good enough to be a mom. I felt like I was failing my husband who longed for a child and was so excited about becoming a dad. I was just truly destroying my self with horrible thoughts and letting the devil use the situation to separate me from the Lord. I stopped reading my devotionals daily, I stopped being happy for people who were able to conceive, I started to get frustrated with Jesse more and more "because he didn't understand". I was just in a "pity me" state of mind. I remember sitting in my moms car one day and she asked me a basic question like "how are you doing" and I lost it. I was just so caught up in "why not me, why do I not deserve a child?!"
(Side bar--> during our infertility journey I had a co-worker tell me her testimony on their infertility, which I will have to share another day, but one thing that stuck out the most was when she told me that the Lord spoke to her and said "Who said that just because you are a woman that I said my plan for you was to be a mother? Who said that I owed you anything".... MIC DROP! How true?!? Like who am I to think that the Lord owes me a child and that I have to have a child to be able to do his work on earth. He already sent his son to pay the ultimate sacrifice for me. Why do I act as if that is not enough?!?.. I feel like it took me hearing that to remember that this life I am living isn't for me, but for Jesus. Anyways, Story for another day!)
After about a year and half of infertility, Jesse and I both had some testing done and everything came back normal. By this time, I was more focused on truly letting the Lord be in control and taking my hands out of it. I was praying for contentment and praying for the Lord to help me understand his plans, even when they did not align with mine. Like who am I to think that the Lord, whom breathed the world into existence, wouldn't have a better plan than us? (it literally makes me laugh that I thought this). I started to appreciate all the things we were being able to do in those moments that we would not be able to do if I would had been pregnant or if we had a child. I was in his word so much more, and just felt a peace. Do not get me wrong.. There were days I would get emotional or people would say things that would kill me on the inside (they of course did not know what I was going through). But I knew the Lord had great plans for us. And I felt my heart completely change, meaning I knew the Lord for sure wanted us to adopt. It was like the Lord literally put on my heart "I want you to take in this child that may not look like you but I have made for you. Love them, teach them about me, trust me, be uncomfortable with not following your plan exactly and I will bless you for being obedient in my timing!! I will give you and Jesse all the desires of your heart!! But Adopt NOW, not later when you might feel more comfortable!!" (I think one of the hard parts with adoption is the fact that none of our close friends or family has ever adopted. So although it was something on our hearts, we weren't familiar with it, so it was/is scary!)
I remember calling my mother in law one day upset because I felt so strongly about adoption and Jesse just wasn't there yet-- again he was never against it, it was just our plan to have a couple biological children and then adopt. Jesse is WAY more patient than me, so I think his thoughts were more on the lines of me not being patient enough for our biological child (this goes back to me making decisions with my heart and not waiting on the Lord). I remember telling my MIL what a gift it would be for the Lord to trust us enough to make a child for us and He trust us enough to love that child, care for that child, but most importantly how awesome that He would allow us to be His vessel to expand His kingdom! I remember her telling me that the Lord will speak to Jesse when the Lord is ready for us to take on that journey, that I just need to pray and be silent ( which if you know me that is rather hard).
I continued praying for the Lord to make it clear to Jesse about adoption. I tried to do my best not to mention it much. I wanted the Lord to speak to him and him not feel pressure from me. After over two years of infertility, it happened!!!!!!! We were driving in the car.. just got done eating dinner.. normal night.. Jesse just casually said--> "I feel like the Lord is leading us to adopt. Like I am ready and I know this is the plan he has for us". Y'ALL! I tried not to panic. I calmly was like " oh.... Okay.. What makes you say that?" when on the inside I was rejoicing and screaming and teary eyed and had all the feels!! This is what I was waiting for! This is what I knew the Lord wanted for us! I was so over joyed and thankful that the Lord answered my prayer of speaking through Jesse and giving him the answers he needed to show him/us that the Lords plan for us was adoption first.
On January 13th it happened! The Lord provided a baby girl for us! She was born January 11th, 2019. Her birth mother reached out to a church member from Jesse's parents church about potential adoptive parents. We got in contact with the birth mother that day (Sunday), parents signed their rights away on Monday, and we got to meet our sweet girl on Friday the 18th. We are blessed beyond measure to be able to call this sweet baby girl ours! The Lord has been so faithful in this journey, and continues to show us time and time again that this is His plan for us, and has provided every need!
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