It has been 4 years since we said goodbye to Graceson. While we absolutely know we will get to meet him when we’re done with this life, we still grieve for that which we never had but hoped so much for. But God has been gracious to us. We have been surrounded with friends and family, coworkers and counselors who have all become a part of our story.
When Heather and I decided we wanted to start a family we had no idea what that would mean. For reasons right now known only to our sovereign God our journey does not look the way we thought it would. In truth, the more I talk with people about their own journeys the more I see that atypical really is typical.
For the first two years after the miscarriage Heather and I were in recovery mode; It took us some time to reconcile what we thought would be with the reality of what is. Truthfully, to this day there are still some dates, songs, and events that invite us to grieve a little more.
The third year after the miscarriage we spent thinking about what’s next. Life had become more normal and we were becoming accustomed to being just Heather and Dave. But God wasn’t done with this yet.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about a chapter in C. S. Lewis’s book, Mere Christianity, “Time and Beyond Time. He says, “Almost certainly God is not in Time. His life does not consist of moments following one another.” He compares our view of life and God’s view of our lives within His existence to that of characters in a novel and the author. While the characters in the novel are on a linear construct with no idea of what will happen later in the book and no control of time, the author has a complete view of the entire story without the inherent limitations of past, present, and future. He admits even that analogy breaks down because we’ve gone from one construct of time, that which is in the novel, to another, that within which the author exists. He goes further to describe if time is the picture of a straight line on which we travel, then God is the page on which that line is drawn.
In other words, God is not bound by time, even if we cannot understand how existence without time can work.
While we have experienced dreams, desires, excitement, loss, grief, and hope, our God, who is not bound by time, has already done the work of answering our prayer. Our prayer to have a little one, to fulfill this desire grown and growing within us by God Himself is answered. Now we get to walk in faith and see how we get to experience the hand of God at work. To that end, we are excited to announce that we will be adopting a child. While we are very early in the process this has been moving along (slowly) for a bit over a year.
So far, we have connected with an adoption facilitator who will assist us in the process which includes matching us to a biological mother. We have completed a home study which involved quite literally telling our life stories and a visit to the home to ensure it is suitable for a child. We were excited to find out Lifesong for Orphans found a partner for us, Grace Bible Fellowship in Quakertown, PA, that will match up to $2,500 in a grant to help us meet the large costs associated with adoption.
During the last 4 years God has been working on us in many ways. One of the lessons He’s taught us is that adoption is not a concession; this is not His back up plan for us. He’s always known our story - the whole story. Including how He has adopted us, making us heirs to everything that is His. This great, grand, sovereign God has adopted us into His family so that we get to experience Him. Every promise God has made that is for his children is for us! We get peace, love, hope, and joy. We get his grace, kindness, provision, and faithfulness. We get the full measure of an army of angels at our disposal when we call on His name. Because He has adopted us, because he has redeemed us, because He pursued us we get it all! We are son and daughter of the King.
Currently, we have this desire, this longing to have a child of our own to raise. Sometime in the near future, there will be a woman who will make a selfless decision to do what is best for a child she will give birth to. We do not celebrate what that woman will be going through. But we are overwhelmed to know that God is redeeming our horrible experiences and He is redeeming this woman’s horrible experiences to redeem a life. And we get to be a part of that story. That story is our story. We are ecstatic to see how this story, our story, unfolds.
Many of you have already been a part of our story. You donated towards the cost of IVF, prayed for us, and sent us encouraging messages. You have walked alongside us through our grief, often propping us up (both figuratively and literally), helping us heal; all of which is appreciated beyond what words can express. You have indeed been a part of our story. I know many of you will ask how you can be supportive going forward. There are four very practical ways:
Pray. Our prayer has always been that we would want what God wants. May our desires be His desires.
Contribute financially. The cost of adoption is around $32,000. We have started a fundraising campaign through a tool called mySTORY, which is provided by Lifesong for Orphans to provide assistance to adoptive families. We hope to raise the funds for adoption related expenses by the end of November 2018.
Send encouraging words. Those encouraging words through the IVF process and the subsequent loss of Graceson were a real lifeline for us. Getting that text message, email, card, and call with a prayer or uplifting words were like taking a much needed nice, long, deep breath. Sincerely, thank you.
Tell our story. By sharing our story with others our hope is to open the conversation about infertility, adoption, and the grace of God.
Four years ago it very much felt like the end. Now we have this adorable little boy in heaven that looks a lot like me. And before long we’ll have a little one whose life trajectory would have been very different, yet because of God’s redeeming love, the redeemed get to redeem.
STRIPE charges an online processing fee (2.2% +.30 USD per transaction). Your donations will be decreased by this amount. You may also send a check payable to “Lifesong for Orphans”. In the memo line please write “Cosme 7820”, to ensure it is credited to our account. Please mail to Lifesong for Orphans, PO Box 40, Gridley, IL 61744.
Lifesong has been blessed with partners who underwrite all U.S. administrative and fundraising costs (TMG Foundation and other partners). That means 100% of your donation will go directly to the adoption.
- In following IRS guidelines, your donation is to Lifesong for Orphans. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor’s suggested use.
- Lifesong is a 501(c)3 tax exempt organization. Individual donations of $50 or more and yearly donations totaling $250 or more will receive a tax-deductible receipt. Receipts for donations under $50 will gladly be sent upon request.