Thank you for your interest in our story. If you're expecting a long drawn out story filled with many years of tears and heartache, you won't find it here. This story is (pretty) short and (very) sweet.
Our story started in Oakland, California, in a tiki bar. I still remember the first time our eyes locked but I was very adamant when I told Tim not to fall in love with me because I was very excited to return to South Africa at the end of my Au Pair year. It was truly a sweet summer romance. We hopped on ferry's on Sunday mornings to eat ice cream in San Francisco. Ate $1 oysters until we were sick. Went to concerts and kissed over collapsed jenga pieces. Just as summer was ending, Tim got a great job opportunity in San Diego, CA. My heart broke at the news. Saying goodbye was so much closer now. We decided to keep in touch. And after a few weeks I went to visit him...and fell in love with San Diego. I mean, he was pretty handsome too, but the sunny weather and friendly people made me feel right at home. I decided to extend my contract in Oakland with my wonderful host family and give us a try.
Tim proposed in the Redwoods on December 23rd. It was magical. The ring was BEAUTIFUL! And we were so very happy!! I moved to San Diego and we got married on the Star of India. We wrestled through immigration and got our first fur baby Zaya. We lived off of cheese quesadillas and mac n cheese. We spent weekends floating in the San Diego Bay and riding our bikes on Coronado Island. We were living the dream.
I think we officially decided to grow our family 2 years after we got hitched. It seemed so simple. By this time we were another fur baby richer, and I had a new job at a non-profit. It seemed like the perfect time to start a family. I even started buying work clothes that could double as maternity clothes...because it was supposed to happen within the next couple of months! We put vacations on hold and kept shuffling our calendars every month.
People tell you how easy it is to get pregnant your whole life. "It just takes one time!" They don't tell you how much it hurts when it doesn't happen. It's a weird hurt too. It's almost as if you are mourning someone you've never met. Our doctor told us to try for a year and if nothing happens, to go back and start some tests. That's 12 times of mourning, friends! But, we kept on telling ourselves; "Just one more month".
If you're still reading...I promise there's a happy ending!!
We first went to the doctor at about 2 years in. This is where I tell you that I've always felt like I wouldn't be able to have kids. Not in a sad or depressed, but it was just always a feeling I had. My tests came back and they were perfect (or so they told me...I didn't understand the numbers). The next Sunday I was finishing up a Skype call with my parents in South Africa when Tim called me over to his computer. He was showing me test results, I figured. But I didn't understand what I was looking at. Why was there just a bunch of zeros? I was confused, but surprisingly calm. Tim was shocked and hurt. All I wanted was to hold him and make this all better. I couldn't.
Two days later he got a call from the doctor's office saying their test equipment was broken and we shouldn't rely on the test results we received. Yep. you read that right. They told him to go back and redo the tests. We never went back. We just couldn't face that feeling again.
2 years later we decided to move to Charlotte. I was very stressed at work and felt like the move and some soul cleansing would help the process. We loved Charlotte right away. We met a ton of South Africans, which was SO good for my soul. And we met some amazing North Carolina barbecue!!! Which was also good for my soul.
My parents came to visit a few months after the move. And if you think the pain of not being able to conceive is bad. It doesn't come close to seeing your parents hurt because you are hurting. I’ll never forget sitting on the bed in an Airbnb in Asheville while all 4 of us were crying. But this was the nudge we needed to go back to the doctor.
Long story short, it wasn’t meant to be. We were told we had options but it just didn’t feel like our options. Not going to lie, it was tough. But along came Molly. I still call her my bandaid. There’s nothing that heals a broken heart like a fluffy puppy.
We started reaching out to adoption agencies. But the first information session scared us so much, it would take another 5 months for us to start our adoption journey. We were invited to a new church by friends of ours and on a mission to find coffee after the service, I noticed a sign for our church’s Adoption Ministry. I started doing research and reached out to the Pastor leading the Adoption Ministry. He immediately offered to meet with us.
One of my biggest fears while considering adoption was that I felt like I would have to be strong for both Tim and myself and I didn’t know if I was capable of it. But the moment we walked into the Pastor’s office, I broke down, and my sweet soft spoken husband just picked up the conversation and protected me from all the unknown and the hurt.
God was telling me to let go. He knows We are capable.
Our Pastor gave us the best advice anyone could’ve given us at that moment. He said:”Choose an agency where you like the people. Because you’ll be spending a lot of time together and it will get intimate.”
He gave us the contact info for 5 agencies. I contacted a couple of these agencies and immediately heard back from Lifeline. We set up a time to chat and I’ll never forget that evening. It was pouring rain and I got soaked running in from the car to Panera. Tim was already there and had started chatting to Levacy. This lady had a crazy amount of warmth surrounding her. I immediately knew I liked her. I knew I wanted her on our team.
But we still were not convinced. It was a lot of money. How could we afford that? We kept in touch with Levacy and attended some fundraising events. We met the rest of Levacy’s team. But we had put it on the back burner.
One day we were in the kitchen. Tim was doing dishes (yep, I’m lucky ladies), I was chatting as usual. And suddenly I blurted out “I think we can do this. I think this is our way”
It really felt so simple. At that point the only hard decision felt like deciding if we were going to adopt domestically or internationally.
After a lot of thought, prayers, research, and A LOT of talking. We decided on Domestic Infant Adoption.
We are currently wrapping up our homestudy and finishing up our family profile. After which we will become a waiting family and be eligible to match with a birthmother. Unfortunately there is no way to tell how long the wait may be. But we are confident that God has already chosen our baby and we’ll be able to bring our baby home when it’s meant to be.
Thank you for following our story and all the prayers and support we’ve received. This baby will have the best village.
STRIPE charges an online processing fee (2.2% +.30 USD per transaction). Your donations will be decreased by this amount. You may also send a check payable to “Lifesong for Orphans”. In the memo line please write “Koerschgen 08828”, to ensure it is credited to our account. Please mail to Lifesong for Orphans, PO Box 40, Gridley, IL 61744.
Lifesong has been blessed with partners who underwrite all U.S. administrative and fundraising costs (TMG Foundation and other partners). That means 100% of your donation will go directly to the adoption.
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